‘How? My… I’m sorry, I’m sorry…’
‘No, darling, you’re safe, you’ll never leave me again.’
‘She made my clitty so hard and numb, I can’t be a Lady anymore, I can’t. She said.’
‘She was Evil, my little pet, and Evil people Lie.’ Governess lay her down and tucked her in, and rubbed her titties to lull her to sleep, as she had for many years before.
Once Rowena was asleep, Governess went to leave the room—but hesitated at the door, as fear clutched cold at her heart. She pulled her hand back from the brass knob, and pulled the bell-rope instead, telling the footman who answered to bring her a few things.
A few moments later, she lay in a trundle bed beside Rowena, and did not sleep, but stared at the ceiling, worry on her usually-smooth brow, and worry in her usually-sure heart.
She did not know how to fix it.
She had not known what torment she had sent Rowena to, and she had made Rowena so vulnerable and helpless to it; but she hadn’t known, she hadn’t known, and how could she have known? This was not how the world was meant to work. Wives and Husbands were not supposed to do these things to their Ladywives. This was not something she had known could happen.
She did not know how to fix it.
She had never heard of the SPDER, before, as the Courts had. She felt a terrible Uncertainty, one unbecoming of a Governess. Yet she had doomed herself to never having another girl, another position. Rowena’s parents had made no plans that included Rowena coming back, such a thing was unheard of; and her room was already taken up with her younger sister, and there was no other bedroom. And they did not want to see Rowena so Ruined, anyway.
She did not know how to fix it.
So they were here, in a house belonging to a colleague of the Governess, a retired Tutor, and they had privacy and complete discretion from the staff, to do… whatever the Governess thought of to do, to fix what the Criminal had done to Rowena.
She did not know how to fix it.
It was a beautiful old house out in the countryside, and the old Tutor had visitors, but not many, and the house was big enough that any visitors needn’t even know the Governess and Rowena were in residence, if they did not wish to be known. There were the usual adornments to an Old Country House, and yet there were modern conveniences too—the retired Tutor had a Machine, now, as he was fascinated with all Knowledge and the ways it continued to improve the world.
She did not know how to fix it.
She got up, and went to the window, and sat on the window-seat to watch the night outside. The moon spilled over the landscape, sparkling on the sea as she heaved, ebbing and flowing over the white and powdery shore. From this window, the Governess could just see the lighthouse on the rock, its lamp lit against the darkness. A warning of the sacred reef below the waves.
She did not know how to fix it.
Suddenly, the bed creaked, and the Governess heard Rowena’s heartbeat speed up, and turned away from the window to see the girl had wakened. She had never done that, before. When she saw the Governess in the shadows of the night, she jumped.
‘It’s me, Rowena, it’s Governess. You’re safe now,’ Governess said gently, coming to her side at once, and putting warm, soft arms around her.
‘I’m sorry, I don’t know why I can’t sleep. She—she didn’t have a schedule on her Machine, she—’ Rowena was crying again, and Governess didn’t know what to do but listen, as it came out in halting sobs, everything that had been undone—everything that had been undone with exquisite, cruel precision. The Keeper had destroyed Rowena with a knowing that was chillingly, horribly, and more to the point purposefully designed to do as much harm as possible to a Lady, to try and unmake her Ladyship…. The Governess’ eyes were drawn again to the unnatural hardness of Rowena’s clit, injected to the point where it was shiny and painful, and yet Rowena said it was numb, numb not only to pleasure but pain, and cold, and everything.
And it had been, Governess realised as Rowena got to the end of her tale, the final blow before the real goal had been revealed to Rowena herself, just when she was the most vulnerable and destroyed, a horrid and evil mirror image of her trajectory from Girlhood to Ladyship.
The Governess gathered Rowena close to her, and wept silently in the dark, not letting Rowena see her tears, listening to her broken voice and holding her so, so tightly.
She did not know if it could be fixed.
But she was glad to know all there was to fix, in a strange way, she realised after Rowena came to the end and was only crying wordlessly against her breast. Perhaps it was the anger—now the Governess had Specifics, now she had Details. So, That Woman had thought she would simply do the opposite of everything a Governess did, and unmake a Lady so—so simply? That she could exhibit and abuse and hurt a Lady and so easily triumph? Governess kissed Rowena’s dark curls, and held her, and narrowed her eyes to the dark, to the memory of that Woman.
She would fix it.
‘When the sun rises,’ Governess said to Rowena. ‘I shall begin finding out what Hardener Serum she injected, and how to remove it.’ She sounded more confident than she felt, but she must sound confident.
She would fix it.
She must not let Rowena despair.
She must not let herself despair.
She would have given Rowena her own clit, if it had been possible; she knew Rowena’s life would fade to grey if her clit stayed numb, if she stayed unable to orgasm. She would starve slower that way than if she were without food, but she would starve nonetheless. And speaking of starvation…
‘And, you need a snack, I think,’ The Governess said, and Rowena looked up, so startled was she by this idea.
‘A… snack? But it is the middle of the night, Mistress.’
Governess let herself smile mischievously. ‘Ah, but that is exactly the right time for a Midnight Snack. Come!’ she said, getting off the bed and slipping her pretty oxblood mules back on. ‘Get your dressing-gown on, and your slippers, we have a little walk to get to the Machine in this house, and we shall give you a good rich snack.’
‘May I, perhaps, have a big snack?’ Rowena asked cautiously, even as she put her dressing down on, and tied it over her still-aching teats, which should, she thought, not be called teats any longer, just… just empty bags. She was crying again.
‘What is it, dear Rowena?’ Governess said, coming over to help her tie the ribbons.
‘I was just—thinking—they’re ugly and—useless now, aren’t they? They don’t even—h-how can they even—be tiddies if—if they don’t give milk!’ she broke down sobbing.
‘Oh, beloved,’ Governess said softly, with perfect confidence this time, ‘teats go in and out of making milk all the time. It’s the easiest thing in the world to fix.’ She pressed a soft handkerchief scented with lavender and vanilla to Rowena’s wet cheek. ‘It will take some little while, that’s all. Governess will fix it.’
‘Just like that?’
‘Teats are very obliging,’ Governess assured her. ‘And yours are so much more obliging than anybody else’s, look how nice and big they are!’
Rowena sniffled a little, but dried her tears with the handkerchief. ‘She… she didn’t take them from me, at least,’ she said softly. ‘They… they feel so plugged up, Mistress. I think maybe some plugs got stuck, when she…’ her voice died. But Governess already knew, she’d heard it the first time.
‘We shall have a Doctor come and set it right, I know a very kindly Doctor that is sure to know how to help. Come, take my hand, and we’ll go put something nice and rich and warm in your belly, and fill it aaall back up again, as it should be.’
Rowena put her hand in Governess’, and it was comforting to feel the same softness, it helped her ignore the way it felt to walk when her clitty was so heavy and yet all she knew that it was there at all was the way it felt against the rest of her body, the way it pulled at the rest of her vulva, and felt like the worst sort of plug, inside.
‘Where are we, Mistress?’ she asked, as they walked down a hallway lit only by moonlight, the floorboards creaking quite a lot beneath their feet. It was a very big hallway, and it certainly wasn’t her home…
‘We are at my colleague’s countryhouse. We will be here until you are feeling well again, however long that may take. Here we are,’ the Governess said, as they stopped at a door, and she opened it, leading Rowena inside, and turning up the lamps. ‘I know it is not the same as the one from before, but it is very gentle.’
‘I haven’t had a full tummy since I left you,’ Rowena heard herself, and hated how little she sounded. Only babies said words like “tummy”. But… being babyish with Governess felt… safer somehow. Babies didn’t leave Governess, as long as she was a baby… she looked down at her clitty, at the ringless tip of it… ‘Do I have to ever get married again?’ she asked, suddenly frightened. ‘What will happen when I’m well again?’
‘You will stay with me,’ Governess said firmly.
‘For… forever?’ Rowena asked, uncertain and unmoving.
‘Yes.’
‘Even…’ her eyes flicked down to her clitty again. ‘Even if I’m ruined forever and can’t be fixed?’
‘Yes, even if. But I doubt very much it shall be so, you’re a good girl.’
‘Can… can Governesses get married?’
‘No,’ the Governess said, as gently as she could, ‘but,’ she added, after not too long a pause, ‘they may adopt whomever they like. Would you like Governess to adopt you, hm? That sounds much nicer, don’t you think?’
‘Oh—’ tears started to fall again, and Rowena took wobbly steps toward the Governess, and hugged her as best she could, in the state she was in, and she cried. ‘Yes, Mistress, yes please, I—I don’t think I want to be a Lady, all the way. I… if… if I can’t be your Lady, I don’t want to be anybody’s Lady at all!’
‘You don’t have to be,’ Governess assured her, ‘you never have to be, I promise you that. I won’t ever let you out of my sight again. Now,’ she said, stepping back and taking a composing breath, regaining herself. ‘Get into the Machine like a good girl, and let Governess fill you up, so you can go back to sleep.’
‘Yes, Mistress,’ Rowena said, with more cheer and life in her than Governess had seen since rescuing her, and it lifted her heart. She set the machine to fill a little slower, unsure of what Rowena’s capacity yet was, now; but she set it to fill with rich, fattening lade, something that would make Rowena feel warm and good and just a little tingly—she added just a little bit of mint, knowing Rowena liked the tingles of it inside her.
She was glad this Machine was in a smaller room; it meant she could reach Rowena’s body and still be at the control panel. She stroked Rowena’s belly as it filled, which was not just to give Rowena reassurance and pleasure, but also to keep a close eye on what her belly felt like. It took only two gallons before Rowena was full as she could be, and the Governess took note of this as she turned the Machine off and had it fit Rowena with a plug that was only an inch wide, and soft for sleeping.
‘I feel so good…’ Rowena said, as they walked back.
‘Good girl, that’s how you should feel all the time.’
‘Mistress….’
‘Hm?’
‘If I were your wife, what would you do to me? Would you just keep me how a Lady is on her wedding-day, or would you do other things to me?’
The Governess knew she Ought to answer with a deflection.
Ought to.
Couldn’t.
She was quiet for so long that Rowena wasn’t sure if she had made Governess angry; but Governess’ hand never tightened, nor pulled away, and she opened the door to the bedroom and shut it, and undressed Rowena, and pulled back Rowena’s covers, and told Rowena to get into bed in a very gentle voice, so Rowena thought she wasn’t angry, perhaps just thinking.
Rowena carefully, and with much discomfort—both delightful (from her tummy) and awful (from her clitty)—climbed into bed and lay down on her side, and Governess tucked her in, then went to sit at the head of Rowena’s bed, and reached down to start rubbing her tiddies gently, around and around in soft circles. She had done it every night since she had come to be Rowena’s Governess, and Rowena so associated it with comfort and peace that she began to doze off immediately, warm and full of tingly, heavy warmth; for the first time, she felt safe.
As she fell asleep, she heard the Governess begin to answer her question.
But Rowena didn’t remember any of it when she woke up.